Dear So-Called Black Women: My Letters on How-To (help)Remove Stereotypes About Us

“The problem is no one wants to settle down. The issue is no one is aware of their crown,” I speak these lines in my poem Mutal Respect. But before we get to the R-E-S-P-E-C-T for one another, let’s address our real issue at hand.

The subjection our ancestors endured since slavery (all six captivities) is etched into our DNA. The US government attacks with tacts and success, namely on our so-called black families, and still, it got us by our necks (Blessings, George Floyd, Sandra Bland).

Media blasts and blares overdramatized images of our so-called black women, serving as consistent reinforcements negatively impacting present and future generations.

We define or label ourselves and subconsciously permit stereotypes of being angry/loud, promiscuous, strong, independent, and ugly as our natural way of being. Blasphemy! No more! Let us remove these lies with truth. Where does our truth come from? The Most High. The one with the original and real version of our creation.

Dear angry and loud so-called black woman, why are you mad? Are you choosing to be upset? Scripture says bitterness dries the bones. Is the tension worth your life, calling, joy, and moments? Who hurt you? Who did not protect you? Do you remember the mistakes you made shaping your reality or habits today? What good is it to have regrets or a long list of should, would, and could? What is easier said than done to move on?

Relax your shoulders and breathe. Deep breaths through your nostrils, as your belly expands.

Those who silenced you are unworthy of participating in the promises The Most High has for you. Thoughts of anger or resentment only cloud our minds, hinder our judgment, and delay The Most High’s unimagnable blessings.

Let us Take deep breaths throughout the day so oxygen can flow to our brains. Let us forgive so we can be present in today.

Penny for a thought: We do not have to yell to be heard. Those who have the spirit to receive us will, and those who don’t won’t. Let us breathe easier to leave aggression out of our tones. We can speak hard truth and life simultaneously. How? Remembering The Most High has us covered and always doing our best to speak and act from a place of love.

We did not lose our voices, my loves. Our voices have the power to reintroduce herself to us — we must listen for her and give her permission to be.

Powerful are we as,Yah willing, our future awaits our determination with The Most High’s declarations.

Let us choose our words wisely. Every thought does not need overanalysis or to be shared. Equally, thoughts do not need to be shut in.

Continue to Pray for discernment.

Dear sister, forgive yourself for not telling violators “Stop!” Forgive yourself for thinking no one will believe you if you speak your mind.

Forgive yourself for believing lies that you do not matter. Forgive yourself. And try your best to forgive those who harmed you intentionally and those who did not protect you unintentionally.

Forgiveness is not a one and done action. I am learning this. When thoughts arise, greet them with love — understanding The Most High has big plans for you! Even if it is hard to see right now.

Dear promiscuous so-called black woman, how you carry yourself matters. Choices in clothing are a piece of it. I remember being a bodit in jeans and an oversized sweater or t-shirt. Since my father was gone, I was insecure in my skin and yearning for a man to show me, love. Being molested and bullied didn’t help my understanding of self-worth either. These scenarios are not stereotypes; they are the reality for too many. But that does not have to remain our defining factor.

Close your legs and open your heart to The Most High. It is at that time I truly found my peace. No longer allowing men to have access to me because their words sounded good or their eyes knew how to draw in insecurities.

I spent more time meditating and praying. My loves, I suggest the same for you. And when flings pop up to say what’s up, let them know conversations lacking purpose are no longer worthy of your time. Temporary actions are not welcome in your life. Or don’t tell them anything, hit that block button and keep it movin’! Sex should be joyful, not full of regret.

No matter what, cleanse yourself from the inside out. Cry out to The Most High to close the void you have long had in your heart. Pray for forgiveness and turn from your ways (repeat as needed) — there is no need to fill ourselves up (or think we’re filling up) with anything but The Most High.

You and your one will find each other as you both work towards a better self in your respective worlds. The Most High shows ways of working miraculously and with perfect timing.

Related Reading: Our Love Story

Dear strong so-called black woman, you are allowed to cry. You have permission to have momentary unrest in the unknown. You can falter. You do not have to dismiss it immediately when you receive unsettling news. You are allowed to sit in it — for a moment.

Sometimes being low is good because it is one of the best positions to pray.

My strong sister, self-love does not mean selfish. And selfish is not a negative connotation.

There is a quote tapped to #ourmirror, “Give onto others and give to yourself the same attention.” We are limited good to those we love when we are not good to ourselves first. Those who love us see and feel our burnout.

Watching us run from ourselves by staying busy in things that truly don’t matter.

The bills will be paid, and if they’re not, it’ll be okay. So many aspects of this world are temporary. And being strong for a temporary environment and not investing in our soul and spirit is not strong. Dare I say it is dangerous.

Who told us we have to be strong? The voice in our heads, our parents, experiences, society? What does being strong mean?

We are worthy of sitting down to eat, enjoying our meals; and not just nibbling while cooking or walking around.

We are worthy of me time with limited interruptions.

We can say no even when the expected answer is yes. We are delicate creatures, and being rough does not have to be a defense mechanism. Rough becomes playful. Especially when The Most High teaches us the truth, The Most High’s way. It is time we honor the life planned and prepared for us.

Let us be smooth and flow, my sisters. Let our Abba Yah handle the rest.

Blessings!

Dear so-called black women that don’t need no man, yes you do. Romantically, you do not need no boy. The Most High said woman was taken out of man. So do you expect to see your optimal self in a potential partner, especially if he is not the man? The man after The Most High’s heart.

Let me say there are standards of society attempting to define what manhood is; however, as Daughters of Zion, we are needed to correct Eve’s behavior and be there for our man. As was first created, architected by The Most High in the beginning.

And what a blessing we are allowed to be guided by him.

Man is and was created to lead and love his woman and family. Women breathe easy and laugh more when her heart is aligned, too, like his, with The Most High. We just fit.

The Most High created man and woman as one. As Scripture states, bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

So, my sisters, whatever blocks are in place that keep us from fully trusting and following our man needs to get cut out. Of course, these are two becoming one, so pray over your one while you too align, shed, and renew yourself with Yahuah’s Ruach.

May we, you and yours, us all build our little sanctuaries.

Also, for the so-called black woman who only need a man, you are no good for anyone if you are not first good to yourself. How can we give love if we do not first give love to ourselves? We must love the person in the mirror fully to share love entirely with another.

Dear so-called black woman reaching for an American standard of beauty, we are not American. Even if we were born in America, our bloodline goes way beyond this country. Dare I say before our captivity before we departed from Africa. Before our 70 AD migration to Africa. Why define our beauty by a place we are not even from?

Have we been Americanized?

Funny story, now it’s funny, when I was around 8 or 9 years old, I was in the mirror with a pair of scissors in my hand. Standing on my living room couch, with Britney Spears singing on the TV behind me, I snipped off a good chunk of my hair. My mother and I must have still had a strong spiritual umbilical cord intact because she walked in the front door as soon as the scissors closed on my curly brown hair.

She was livid. What was I thinking? I wanted to look like Britney Spears. At that moment, my mother told me no matter how I cut my hair, I would not look like Britney.

Today, I would say our hair is not the same as these other nations displayed on the television (or streaming sites). But with a trip to the hair store, textures and colors of all kinds end up as “our hair” (seldom is our natural hair color and texture selected *even though we are chosen*).

Do what you want, but I am about to do what I want and write my true thoughts on this topic right quick.

  • Weave is worn to protect your hair? Protect your hair from what? Sun, heat, dirt, water are all-natural elements as you are a natural element.
  • I like how this color looks on me? Okay, cool. But how long will it suppress your hair’s natural color or progression? Are you a better artist than The Most High? (Yes, I went there).
  • My man likes it? A boy complains about what he doesn’t have. A man has only eyes for the woman who is her best self (not the best version of what she buys off the shelf/store).

All I’m saying is we love ourselves by loving ourselves. Us. Our naked, natural, complete selves.

I have a lot to say about what beauty is to me. Inward just as much as outer. Perhaps I’ll share on another day. This convo is just for the starter’s sake.

Check out how a full-length mirror changed my life. How I am learning what beauty means for me personally: Reckon Women link (check back for the direct link)

One Love,

J

p.s. We are on this journey together. I’d love to read your thoughts and chat with you in the comments below. May we continue to give ourselves grace.

p.s. p.s. Some Resources:

https://www.mamabennett.com/ “My life’s work and purpose revolves around my journey through and connection to motherhood, from my content, to my blog, to my photography. Above being a mother though, I’m passionate about being a light worker.”

Find Your Way Back is a collection of essays that demonstrate how Javacia has used writing to achieve some of her wildest dreams such as being a public speaker, having her own column, and being her own boss. The book also explores how writing, self-love, and faith helped her overcome her worst nightmare: a cancer diagnosis in 2020.
Javacia’s goal is to show readers how writing can transform their lives as well. The book includes prompts throughout to help readers start their own writing journey.

p.s. p.s. p.s. lol Prayer and living our lives for The Most High is our sounding rock. Check out the Cepher or until then read your Bible from the beginning without religious eyes, but with eyes searching for history. . . our history. Our guidance and help come from our Creator.

https://www.cepher.net/

p.s. p.s. p.s. p.s. why do I say so-called black women? Because we are SO MUCH GREATER than the limiting word “black”. Our bloodline, our heritage, our culture, runs deep and when we realize that then “black” no longer justifies our identity.

Shalom, Daughters of Zion.

Published by ourfirstfamilyphoto

The breeze makes me happy, leaves make me smile. And I am now a part of nature, I've brought forth life.

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