Big brown eyes turning shades lighter and darker; eyebrows only plucked a handful of times, yet Mom states they are perfect. Broad nose, Poppy says, identifies our Graham lineage. High cheekbones, hills connected to the valley of my dimples. Mile wide smile, large gap tooth I was often teased for while equally praised; to me, the space in my teeth unites me and my three older brothers – different set of fathers, but our smiles are the same. Though our collective “cheese” has changed due to society’s never ending rat race, life’s influences and experiences dictate how many teeth are shown as well as light’s presence. I have some teeth missing (visible and hidden). “Don’t you ever hide your smile,” I am thankful for my husband.
Before Terrence, a line from a poem encompassed my body’s story: “Her body was a morgue.” Teased for my weight, I often hid behind my brother’s oversized shirts. Accepting the role of tom boy because no one required me to be woman enough. However, one time in my youth, a friend’s mother took us out, but before she drove off, she declared I go back inside and change. Suggesting my grey beater was not ladylike attire and I should care how I present myself outside. Aloud I protested while silently being thankful.
The truth, my body was long violated voluntarily and amidst refusal. My body’s limitations formed at the age of thirteen. My body is resilient, I saw how much as I began to train and throw shot put and discus. My body is the case for my soul, Yahuah reveals to me the more I choose to grow and forgive. Yes, indeed, I am not my choices, my choices are me. Read that again, Yahuah’s hands are constantly molding me.
Blessed to be chosen as a vessel for life, despite all the decisions I made while in my heart were not right. Thankful for Yahuah’s mercy and guide to patiently purge alignments and lies that long suffocated me. My body’s alignment is an ever-going process deciding to honor time.
Presently, my husband and I have a one-year-old. Daily I thank our daughter, him, and Yahuah for choosing me.
Currently, I step on the scale not to dehumanize self, but to remember shedding and gaining is a process and decision.
Now, I stand and speak my poetry, committing it to memory as I journey honestly with self. My college undergrad body and life is passed, yet I am still worthy to deliver my spoken word as testimonies.
HalleluYah! All praises to Yahuah. Gathered from dirt and breath given, gifted.
This life I have, you have, is divine.
No longer running past mirrors.
How marvelous to be crafted by Creator. This blessing is grand, crumble up and throw away any and all illusions.
Big brown eyes looking at life with wonder. She came from my wound, from the love of My Love, from the compassion of Yahuah’s promise.