Throughout my pregnancy with Zion’ah I would see articles on WhatToExpect about warnings and signs for “the baby blues.” Articles and people poured onto me warnings towards being mindful of various signs of depression that may arise once our Sweet Pea arrived (what many don’t know is I’ve had more than my share time with depression growing up).
The doctor who cut me open even asked my husband at our postpartum visit if I’ve been crying or if I’ve been feeling sad.
My mother told me I wouldn’t get the baby blues because I would be so in love with my daughter, I would have no reason to be sad, because Zion’ah would bring us so much life and light.
And she does, she is completely and totally heaven sent; Thank Yah!
This is why I say, what I feel is not the baby blues.
I am sad because I get sleep deprived.
I am sad because I have returned to work and although I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to be home, I’m still working. And so, I don’t get to be with Zion’ah as often as I would like.
I am sad because my husband and I don’t always see eye to eye due to one trying to allow the other proper rest.
I am sad because although my immediate family lives in the same state as us, I feel our core family is an entire state away.
I am sad because our daughter still gets frustrated feeding for an extending time on my breast because she is so use to the easy flow of boob juice from her bottle.
I am sad because we are forced to wear masks and nobody can see when I give them a “just because, hello, how you doin’?” smile.
I am sad.
And that is okay.
It’s not because of “the baby blues.”
It is just how I feel sometimes, like today.